Make Mine New Orleans


Water ankle deep ‘neath a cracked lightning sky
Umbrella dancing in the Bourbon Street rain
A door man calls from a jazz club warm and dry
Make mine New Orleans

Whether it’s straight up
Or on the rocks with a little water on the side
Make mine New Orleans

You can take the streetcar Uptown
Wander the cemetery after a three Commander lunch
Stay for Mardi Gras, or a skating bull run
Anyway you’ll be back I have a hunch

I got Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Livin’ just ’round the block
Meetin’ them today for a cafe au lait
After my Winn Dixie stop

Whether it’s straight up
Or on the rocks with a little water on the side
Make mine New Orleans

Throw me somethin’ Mista
From a second line parade
I’ll meet you back at the Blacksmith Shop
Where the best hurricanes are made

Where a backyard crawfish boil means
Family, friends and passers by
Laugh together, cry together and raise their glasses high
Make mine New Orleans

Whether it’s straight up
Or on the rocks with a little water on the side
Make mine New Orleans

I like my snowballs with cream
My gators green
My daiquiris from a drive through machine
I like my city with a bathtub ring
Make mine New Orleans

A voodoo spell can send a town
Into a nightmare dream
But if home is where your shrimp boots hang
Make mine New Orleans

Whether it’s straight up
Or on the rocks with a little water on the side
Make mine New Orleans

Alligator Allegation

Just fishin’ with my buddy, trying to forget my recent stroke
Thinkin’ ‘bout surgery tomorrow, and hopin’ it’s one big joke
No fish could find our hook today, the croaker are lying low
The burnt red sun dips in the sky tellin’ us it’s time to go

Comin’ round the bayou bend marble eyeballs float on top
I kill the motor and drift a little closer to see a gator snout
The pole, with cork and hidden hook I bob to lead him in
He swims a zig-zag trailed path towards the water I be splashin’

Next thing I know I’m draggin’ him with the hook snagged in his side
My buddy grabs the nearest net and scoops him from behind
He doesn’t give much a fight when I pull him on the boat
I clamp his mouth and grip his tail and pose for a Facebook post

Let’s throw him back, let’s take him home, let’s put him in my creek
Next thing I know he’s in the chest with a string wrapped ‘round his beak
Now speedin’ out the bayou turns with our package neatly bound
We’re met by Fisheries and Wildlife men waving us around

One quick sharp spin we turn hard left, the gator goes overboard right
What was that son? You answer me. You’re going to jail tonight
All I do is tip my head, and stare with innocent eyes
There’s nothing here at all officer, nothing but us guys

What was that splash? Was that a gator? Boy, you tell me now
I saw the tail of something green disappear as it went down
The courtroom two weeks later could find no evidential proof
For the citation of alligator allegations or for being so aloof

My attorney, all he did was laugh, being paid in comic relief
He calls me now The Gator Guy, as I boiled crab for his next brief

Note: No gators were harmed in the making of this poem

Tennessee Plates

Headin’ to the Quarter, ya’ll
Got my mind on a good time
Some whiskey and some wine
Been thinkin’ ‘bout it all day
Got my girl in my truck
She been takin’ care of me
Little rum, little fun
Ain’t no way we ain’t hookin’ up
Just two more miles down the Interstate
Movin’ to the right with plenty of time
Here comes this fool with his Tennessee plates
In his gray minivan changin’ lanes
Never mind a signal for the lane change
Never mind the trailer he be pullin’
Come slidin’ ‘cross my lane lookin’ strange
Changin’ lanes, one two, three
Like he got somewhere to be
Fool
Damn near took out my rearview
mirror like I’m not even there
Tennessee plates
Ain’t no room in this town for them Tennessee plates